Cella's Sweet & Sexy Treasures: 2009

Sex and Aging

It is a common belief that as you get older you lose your sex drive and that sexual intimacy is no longer an option; this is simply not the reality! A person's sex drive may experience some changes as a result of many factors, but it does not necessarily disappear. The factors that affect sex-drive are psychological and physiological in nature. As a rule of thumb, if you have a healthy sex drive when you're young, you will continue to have a healthy drive well into your senior years. However, if you're an 'ice-box' in your twenties, you can't expect a dramatic improvement without a lot of work and motivation.

Sexual Changes with Age

The primary physiological changes that occur in both men and women are due to the change in hormone levels; testosterone levels in men and estrogen levels in women. The gradual decrease in these hormones causes a variety of changes in the physical ability to perform sexually; however, these changes can be overcome with time, patience and communication.

Physiological Changes in Men

For men, these physical changes usually occur over a period of time. As a man ages, there is a decrease in the amount of circulating testosterone; this stabilizes by about 60 years of age. As a result of this decrease in testosterone levels, it may take a man much longer to achieve a full erectile state. At a young age, a man can often obtain an erection with visual and mental stimulation alone; however, as a man ages he will need more direct manual stimulation in order to achieve the same affect.

There may also be a decrease in the length of time a man is able to maintain an erection prior to ejaculation. This is due to a variety of other physical factors that affect blood flow - such as hypertension, diabetes and cardiac arrhythmias - to name a few. There is also a decrease in the force of ejaculation due to a reduction in the sperm count. The recovery phase of sexual intercourse is also lengthened; it will take a man much longer to have the ability to have another orgasm - usually 12 to 24 hours. This time period increases as a man continues to age.

Another very important fact to remember is that if a man discontinues sexual activity in his fifties to sixties, he will have a much greater chance of having impotency problems from thereon out.

Physiological Changes in Women

In women, the physiological changes (while not usually as great as for men) can have very negative affects, causing many women to forego sexual activity.

As women age menopause causes a decrease in estrogen production which lessens the chance of impregnation. This can have psychological effects on some women, which will be discussed further in the next section.

As a result of this decrease in estrogen production, there are some changes that will occur that have the potential for making sexual encounters painful. In general there is atrophy of the vaginal tissue; it loses its elasticity and the tissue begins to thin. There is a decrease in natural lubrication, which will necessitate the use of artificial lubricant. The size of clitoral, vulvar and labial tissue decreases, along with the size of the cervix, uterus and ovaries. However, the good news is that the sensitivity of the clitoris remains the same as when a woman is younger.

The sexual tension felt prior to an orgasm decreases and the orgasmic contractions are less. These contractions can actually be painful for some women. The good news: if a woman was multi-orgasmic prior to menopause, she will likely continue to have the ability to be so.

Psychology Affects Sexual Drive

Often what truly affects the sex drive of any individual with age is not the physiological changes, but the psychological issues that arise. There may be a loss of interest due to religious beliefs that state that sexual intimacy is just a means of reproduction. Once a woman loses that ability, she may lose interest in sex as she will not be fulfilling her "religious (reproductive) purpose".

Some people may experience guilt, especially those who are widowed. They may feel that have sexual encounters with someone other than the person who was their spouse is a form of betrayal.

Others will experience guilt because they were brought up feeling that sex was not to be enjoyed. Sociological beliefs indicate that an elderly individual who continues to have a sex drive is "dirty" or un-natural, hence making it difficult for an elderly person to enjoy sex. Often with age comes the loss of a partner and the inability to find a suitable partner with which a person can enjoy sexual intimacy. Women outnumber men, hence making it difficult for many elderly women to find a suitable partner.

Depression is also a major problem with sexual drive. A depressed person usually has little desire for sexual encounters, and unfortunately many of the medications given to treat depression decrease what little sex drive is left.

The above are only a few of the many psychological issues that might affect a person's sex drive when he/she is older.

Conclusion

As you can see, there are many factors that might interfere with a person's sex drive as age progresses; however, there are many more ways in which an individual can combat these changes and keep/recover a wonderful sex life. The first and foremost important way to fight back is education. It is never too late to learn and the most important thing to do is learn how your body is changing and what you can do about it. Educate yourself on any disease processes you may have and the medications that you are using the treat them. Many medications have side effects that will alter a person's sex drive. Talk to your doctor if you feel this is the case as there may be an alternative treatment available without the side-effects.

Another way to keep an enjoyable sex life is to experiment with toys, videos, books and magazines. Toys come in handy, especially now when you need more direct stimulation and time to become fully aroused. There are a variety of vibrators in all different sizes, shapes and colors, all types of add-ons, toys that perform different actions, edible lubricants and massage oils. There are many different techniques that can be used; from massage and oral stimulation to Kama Sutra (for those who remain flexible enough and adventurous enough to try).

The psychological problems can be treated by a therapist, or simply with good communication with your partner. The main point to remember is not to be afraid, take your time and communicate.

If a person is single and is unable to find a suitable partner, there are plenty of ways in which to pleasure one-self.

With the right attitude and approach, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to enjoy an active sexual life well into your senior years!

Kinky sex is good for couples!

New Scientist magazine has reported how indulging in a little kinky fun can bring you and your partner closer together but first of all, you need to set up a sexy scenario...

Do you want to have power or relinquish it in the bedroom? Talk to your partner and decide which role you want to try.

Squirming submissives are released from all responsibility and the dominant will stop at nothing to possess you – it may even involve being obedient or humiliated! You may have to give an erotic massage, strip, run a bath for your 'master' and dry them off afterwards, be ordered to be a sex slave, made to perform oral sex on demand, rub their feet or clean the house naked!

As a bossy-boots dominant, you call the shots. It's up to you to set the scene, keep things going – calm the down or hype them up. You get to be selfish, cruel and superior without getting into trouble! It's usually the most confident person who assumes this role, but if you're not, give it a try - it can make you more confident in real life.

Work out what you would like to do in your sinful scenario by planning it with your partner first. Think suspense: doing things the submissive isn't expecting. Punctuate a stern telling off or spank with kind, cuddly stuff. Change locations when the least expect it. Break up sexual play with psychological games: give them an intense oral experience, then order them to do the dishes.

Think stern governess who spanks a naughty schoolboy; the King with a subject who needs punishing; the slave held captive by a cruel captor.

Written by Tracey Cox

Excert from Tickle His Pickle

		Tickle His Pickle Table of Contents 1. Let's Talk About You 2. Meet the Penis & The Land Down Under 3. He's Commming! 4. Sights! Sounds! Seductions! 5. Hair Today—Gone Tomorrow 6. Slippery Stuff 7. Giving Great Hand 8. Giving Great Head 9. His Back Door (& More!) 10. Ready...Willing...Unable

Excerpts from Chapter 7 - "Giving Great Hand"

Most guys will tell you that receiving a handjob is one of life's greatest pleasures. But getting one that's truly erotic and exotic is a first-class upgrade to Cloud 9.

Your guy is surely an old hand at satisfying himself. But he'll be the first to admit that nothing compares to the thrill of your soft, warm, lubricated digits on his penis. It's the best skin-on-skin pleasure you can give him without thinking about birth control and safer sex. And he'll jump for joy at the chance to skip those sensation-dulling condoms.

Just think of your hands as creative sex toys with lots of moving pleasure parts. And because your fingertips are flush with sensitive nerve endings, you can actually feel his excitement, too. For starters, be sure your fingernails are trimmed smooth and hangnail-free, and your hands are moisturized and naked of all rings and jewelry that can snag and scratch. And if your hands are cold, warm them under running hot water or by tucking them between your thighs.

Imagine. By the time you finish this chapter, you'll know more about pleasuring his penis than he's learned in his entire life!

		oh-Oh-OH-KAY! To form the world's most natural grip, make the "OK" sign by touching your index (or middle) finger to your thumb, then slip it around his shaft. Now you can travel the entire length, adjusting the pressure to his liking.

		Thank U! Cradle his penis in the "U" between your thumb and your fingers, with your thumb touching the underside of his shaft. Keeping your wrist loose and your grip firm, begin stroking at a diagonal angle.

		Sausage Wrap Just enclose his shaft in your five hot little fingers with your thumb at the top and stroke.

		Upside-Down Sausage Wrap Reposition your wrist so your thumb is facing the bottom of his shaft.

		Two-fister Try any of the basic grips above, but use two hands. Don't lose your balance!

"Vibe Him" Place a cylindrical vibrator over his balls, or whichever part of his manhood is not in your mouth! Then alternate your tongue and a vibe on his penis.

"Just Say O" Keep your head still as he does all the thrusting motion into your mouth. You may want to grip your hand around the base or use a penis sleeve to act as a buffer, so he doesn't go too deep.

How to do Kegel Exercises

The single most important exercise for a woman's sexual health is Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises help to strengthen your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. This muscle forms a "figure-eight" outlining the vaginal and anal opening. Just like any muscle it will weaken with age and significant milestones such as child birth. This easy, and usually pleasurable routine, boasts a whole host of benefits:
1 Orgasms become stronger.
2 There is more control over sensation during intercourse.
3 It's easier to reach orgasm; you feel more when you need to, and less when you want.
4 More control over the sexual experience, a feeling of power.
5 Childbirth can be easier, more controlled, leading to fewer complications.
6 The vagina heals more quickly from the effects of childbirth.
7 Partner feels more during intercourse - can pull and squeeze penis with vaginal walls.
8 Prevent/stop incontinence/prolapsed uterus.
1. Flex your muscles:
1 Sit on the toilet with your legs parted slightly.
2 Allow yourself to start the flow of urine.
3 Stop the flow - Remember that feeling.
2. Commit yourself:
Now that you know what it feels like to flex your PC muscle:
1 Find a time each day to practice (I.e. Driving to work, on the bus, in the shower, watching TV, at a boring meeting). No one will ever know.
2 Commit to this time each day.
3. Do your reps:
1 Basic: Get comfy, breathe slowly.
2 Squeeze and hold for 10 seconds.
3 Relax for 10 seconds.
4 Repeat 2 more times.

4. Shake it up
o Alternative A: Advanced
1 Squeeze lightly - hold 5 seconds
2 Squeeze stronger - hold 5 seconds
3 Squeeze really tight - hold 5 seconds
4 Reverse
5 Relax
6 Do this 10 times
7 Take a break
8 Repeat 2 more times.
o Alternative B: Work all of the muscles - Flutter
9 Squeeze for one seconds
10 Rest for one second
11 Repeat 10 times
12 2 times a day
5. Getting Bored? Work the deeper muscles with an object.

1 Use weights like Ben Wa balls inside and do your kegels. Start with one ball then work up to two, then try walking around doing kegels and holding the balls in.
2 X-Commander with its 3 different sized bullets allows you to increase your work to the next level.
3 Do them while you masturbate. Take great mental discipline!
4 Incorporate kegels into sexual play – tell your partner to advise you when he notices a difference in tightness.
6. Don't despair.

If you remember to do them every day, you will start feeling greater, more control and stronger orgasms within 8 – 10 weeks.
Tips:
1 Don't do Kegels while urinating - just use urination to understand the feeling of flexing the PC.
2 Increase the intensity levels from time to time.
3 Put a finger in vagina and clench, you can feel the muscles working.
4 There is no over night success - it takes dedication.
5 Never use your back, anal, stomach, or buttock muscles.
6 Alternate the different techniques; ben wall balls, different size bullets such as the X commander, a vibrator and your favorite penis.
7 Just like any gym workout, when you fall out of a routine just get back in and don't give up.

Frequent Sex May Help You Look Younger!

Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher.

Over the last 10 years, Weeks and his colleagues interviewed 3,500 European and American men and women mostly 45 to 55 years old on a variety of lifestyle topics.

The thing they had in common: they looked young for their age.

A vigorous sex life, Weeks says, was the second-most important determinant of how young a person looked. Only physical activity proved more important than sex in keeping aging at bay.

Others agree that sex can be goof for your health. “It’s extremely important to your health,” says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York City. “The stresses and strains become more manageable when a couple is having sex regularly.”

Sex can burn fat and cause the brain to release endorphins, naturally occurring chemicals that act as painkillers and reduce anxiety. In men, sex seems to stimulate the release of growth hormones and testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles. In both men and women, research has shown, sex also prompts the release of substances that bolster the immune system.

Another study on sex after 50 confirmed the data in this article. Over 1,000 middle-aged men and women (50-55) were followed for ten years. They were divided into two groups, those with little sex and those who averaged twice per week. The overall health of the active group was dramatically better than the celibates. Further, the mortality was 70% less in the active group.

Ben-WaBalls - Do I need them?

Do I need them?

1 Ever had to wear a panty liner because you were sick and every time you sneeze or cough, you feel a little urine escape?
2 Ever had to control yourself from laughing to hard because you were afraid that you would have urine leak?
3 Just had a baby?
4 Getting ready to have a baby?
5 Afraid of urinary incontinence when you grow old?
(which happens to about 75% of elderly women)

….If any of these apply, I always say to spend between $12.95 - $18.95 on a pair of Ben-Wa Balls now or hundreds of dollars on Depends later!

How do they work?

There are three ways to do Kegel exercises that include all the groups of muscles that one can use when performing these exercises:
1 Contract and Hold
2 Flutter
3 “The Elevator”

Before I spell out the three types, let’s be sure we are all talking about the same exercise.

Think of the muscles you would squeeze if you were urinating and wanted to stop the flow. These muscles form a type of “hammock” that runs from the front of the crotch area to the back. The muscles encircle the clitoris in the front, the anus in the back and the vagina in the middle. They are the same muscles that contract reflexively (on their own) during orgasm.

Strengthening these muscles by doing Kegel’s will enhance the sensations of orgasm and for some women make having orgasms more likely. When contracting these muscles, the buttocks muscles should move very little or not at all. You are trying to isolate and move the muscles that underlie the external genitals for women.

If you spend two minutes of doing these three types (which make a “set”) you do a set of 3 three times a day, you will very likely feel a difference in your ability to contract in about two weeks. It doesn’t take a lot of time, just a lot of remembering.

The Ben-Wa Balls can be used as “weights” by ambitious women who really want to work out their PC muscles. Think of it this way; you could tone your body by doing leg lifts or arm curls but you could get faster and better result by adding weights. Start by putting in one ball and doing these exercises. The ball will definitely add a level of challenge to Kegel’s. Later, when there is greater strength and tone add the second one.

These are great exercises to do in preparation for having a baby. A toned muscle will stretch more easily and will recover more easily after childbirth. As we age, these exercises are also helpful in maintaining tone to avoid urinary stress incontinence (leaking bladder). So given the benefits of enhanced orgasm and the health gains possible, doing Kegel exercises every day really deliver!

Sex Toys Are Win-Win: A Guide for Men

The old-fashioned vibrators were pretty scary: Ten inches long with lifelike veins and made of a squishy, horrible material that made them alarmingly penislike ‑- except much bigger and much longer and much wider and ohmigod, is that what women really want? The answer is no. Then why were they created that way? Because those sex toys were designed by men ‑- men who, sadly, didn't have any idea of what turns women on.

Fast-forward to the 21st century: Now, most successful vibrator lines are heavily influenced by women ‑- and the first thing you'll notice is that most aren't even penis shaped. They're designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is outside the vagina, rather than for penetration. Yes, the "Rabbit," made famous by Sex and the City, is a firm favorite, but many women just turn it around to use the clitoral stimulator instead of inserting it.

The reason? Well, brace yourself guys, but only 20 to 30 percent of women can orgasm purely through penetration (without clitoral stimulation). In other words, your thrusting in and out alone probably isn't going to make the earth move for her. That means one of you usually has to use your fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse, which is harder than it sounds. It's awkward: Your hand gets cramped, and it's hard to maintain the gentle, consistent pressure the clitoris needs when your hand is being pushed by the thrusting motion.

The solution is a vibrator. One of you simply holds it against the clitoral area during intercourse and voila: an orgasm during penetration. This takes the pressure off men considerably; it doesn't matter if the erection is a bit wobbly (and, yes, all men experience this at some point for various reasons) because she's going to orgasm anyway. I need to quickly add here that almost all women enjoy intercourse without clitoral stimulation for its own sake ‑- she's not just pretending to like it. It's just that it's difficult for us to orgasm from that alone.

There's another very good reason why you should encourage your partner to own a vibrator and not see it as threatening or as a "replacement penis." Simply put, women who own vibrators tend to have more orgasms than women who don't. The more orgasms your partner has, the more her body wants. So she's more likely to want frequent sex if she owns a vibrator than if she doesn't.

Lots of vibrators these days are partner friendly as well. The idea isn't to chuck them into the bedside drawer but to use them together. She can use one to stimulate your perineum (the smooth, hairless bit between your scrotum and bottom) or your testicles. And lots of guys love it when a woman holds one against the side of her mouth while giving them oral sex. So there you have it: nothing to worry about and everything to gain!